The MRI and the Mushrooms
The alarm went off at 5 AM…much to my aggravation. I brushed my teeth and showered but did not eat or take meds just in case. Sherry dropped me at the emergency door (parking at the hospital SUCKS…the front door is closed at this ungodly hour…she went home to get kids ready to go).
I got there at 6:15 as required and was in the MRI Centre by 6:20. My MRI appointment was at 7 AM but I was in the machine by 6:40. I got to keep my earrings in since they were only looking at my knee. With my hospital gown in place and my hair net (no lie) on, I was sand bagged into position and given a set of ear phones like the guys on aircraft carriers wear with clear plastic tubing (no metal allowed) bringing the radio feed to me. I must have looked FABULOUS! I was slid into the machine up to my arm pits and then the sounds of Big Country FM began. CRAP! Too much of this and I was going to make a break for it. The only machine label I saw had something about a laser beam. My lack of glasses led me to wonder what Star Wars shenanigans could occur. The first song was about a trucker in Montana who was Alberta bound…AAUUGGHH!! Just as my back was telling me the table was too hard, the tech came in and said I could get dressed. I was ready to go at 6:55! Sherry headed out and I waited in emergency.
The TV was on a children’s network with absolutely no children to be seen. The show was pretty solid evidence that children’s programming is produced by people who have been loaded on a number of chemicals…ALOT. A big purple fuzzy thing and a little orange fuzzy thing were helping the female worm in the apple in the tree find a treasure according to a map she evidently drew from comments from the magpie…I KID YOU NOT! The treasure ends up being in the nest of the magpie and, to the worm’s disappointment, is filled not with jewels but with trinkets the bird has collected which is the bird’s treasure…see the point coming LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN? But the big fuzzy thing has found all kinds of things in the holes they have dug while dressed as pirates…with rainbow glasses on (is that a mushroom I see?). Big fuzzy takes the junk to his workshop and comes back with a wind chime made of the junk…and hangs it in worm lady’s tree. Oh my but the music is beautiful and she learns that treasure is what you believe it is. The scene ends with them grooving to the chimes.
This is followed by a short episode with a big mouse and a little cat in space who come across a giant floating herd (?) of crayons. They press a magic button and go play with the crayons. How do you write this without acid?
Sherry then pulls up and when I get home I try to explain this to the kids. Rebecca is worried that dad has been drugged and Ian is laughing nervously. I check the listings…the show about the big fuzzy thing and the little fuzzy thing is called…wait for it…Big and Small. Really? The drugs wore off before the naming part of the project? The mouse and cat show is called Toopy and Binoo. Honest.
When I finally got the office I warned Dorothy that I might start laughing out of context. Then she introduced me to the Faith Life agent that was waiting…poor woman. She never saw it coming…
JESUS HIT BY LIGHTNING
There is a statue of Jesus in Monroe, Ohio that stands outside of the Solid Rock Church in Monroe, Ohio. The statue is six stories tall and depicts Jesus with hands uplifted, leading to the nickname: “Touchdown Jesus.” Well, the statue got hit by lightning and burned in rather spectacular fashion, leaving only the framework behind.
The Washington Post carried the story with this opening line:
It appears God has sacrificed his only son. Again.
It struck me as a pretty gutsy opening to use in the current climate of religious and political zealotry. OK…sacrilege aside, it was pretty creative and made me smile a bit.
I mean, I smiled amid the dumbfounded shock of a church that serves a God who eschewed being worshipped in buildings made with hands and yet builds such a statue for who knows how much to call attention not so much to Jesus as to itself. Because there is nothing other than human ego that would claim Jesus was tickled to be presented in such a fashion. (I am not speaking against art in general or religious art in particular…just huge, gaudy religious art.)
The article goes on to recount other such “acts of God”:
- 2008…Christ the Redeemer (130 feet tall) that stands above Rio de Janeiro was hit by lightning, singing the eyebrows and fingers.
- 2007…the 33 foot Jesus statue at Mother Cabrini Shrine in Colorado was hit by lightning, blowing one of the arms off.
- 2003…James Caviezel was struck by lightning while filming “The Passion of the Christ.” He was playing Jesus.
If one were of a superstitious persuasion, one might think that God was telling us to stop building big, tall, ostentatious representations of Jesus…and to stop making bloody, non-biblical representations of Jesus.
Questions? Comments? Observations?
HOLY GHOST SEEN IN MONTANA!
Oh…wait…apparently the Holy Ghost’s name is Terrill Dalton and he has himself a bit of a following. And following him is no picnic because he has been moving around due to the pursuit of the legal system in Utah and then Idaho and now Montana.
How does Terrill know he is the Holy Ghost? Well, Chris Jorgenson of the Billings Gazette reports:
“He (Terrill) described a two-day fast that ended with a vision of Jesus Christ, who visited him several times in the following days. It was during one of these visits that he said he was told he was the Holy Ghost and the father of Jesus Christ.”
“’I know how that sounds…’ he said.
No, Terrill, I don’t believe you do.
First of all, there are some basic issues of theology and…well…logic. By his account, Christ appeared to him and told him that he (Terrill) was the Holy Ghost AND Christ told him he (Terrill) was Christ’s father. Given where Terrill’s journey has taken him, Trinity Land was certainly a number of stops back.
Let me be clear. I am not trying to step on Terrill’s happy. He is free to pursue his religious freedom as he sees fit. What I do object to is the clear lack of preparation. If you are going to claim such status, then put in the work on the back story. And I haven’t even gone into the source of confirmation for his visions…rocks…rocks with unique energy. Honestly…it is on their website. Yes…there is a website.
(Please Note: If Terrill and his followers are involved in anything illegal, he should stand up for his principles and turn himself in so that he can have his day in court. Fleeing the jurisdiction is not very divine.)
Secondly, and more importantly, I am wondering about the phrase: “his followers.” Followers? Really? Granted, he presently has fewer followers due to the constant moving. He admits that. And his present following of 16 includes his friend (and church co-founder), his friend’s wife and his friend’s 9 kids. But there are estimates that he had up to 50 followers when his church first got started in Utah (he claims to previously having been a member of the LDS Church).
Now I grew up in California through the 1960’s and 1970’s. I was at San Francisco State when the Moonies arrived. I went to their first rally…and had to sit in the overflow in another building. While studying at Santa Clara University, one of the speakers invited by a particularly twisted student government officer was Karla LaVey, daughter of Anton LaVey who founded the Church of Satan and authored the Satanic Bible. I get the concept of people following odd and bizarre and even dangerous leaders.
But just as my rant about the seeming loony tunes who follow any yahoo with a gimmick and a riff picks up a wicked head of steam…I find myself sitting in the church hall with some folks in the midst of a discussion about Joshua and Jericho. There are parts of that story that are serious grist for another posting…like the fact that God promised them a land with people already on it…who had to be conquered…and that drama is still being played out.
What was Joshua’s source of confirmation? Moses, who is no longer with them…an armed vision in the desert…the assurances of Rahab.
And what is our source of confirmation about the Greatest Story Ever Told? The Bible? In a conversation with a person who does not give the Bible any status…not unlike those Paul encountered in Greece…what do we do then? History? That is one gigantic two-edged sword. The history that carries stories about the faithful saints like Francis and Theresa also carries stories of the Crusades and the Inquisition. What then?
Believe it or not, I am not trying to step on the happy of those who seek to follow Jesus, either. I am one of those people. But I am trying to root through all the stuff and nonsense of 2,000 years of Christianity and asking on what, ultimately, do we base our faith? And given the answer to that question, how do we best proceed? And I use the first person plural on purpose, because I do believe that the answers will involve an experience of community in some shape or form.
Questions? Comments? Observations?
Rest in Peace, Ronnie James Dio…
I had the real privilege many years ago to meet Ronnie James Dio while he was touring with his band Dio. A friend of a friend was a professional pyrotechnician and would call me when he came through Salt Lake City. He most often was on tour with Van Halen. But this time he was traveling with Dio.
John got a kick out of it when I would swing by from the office with my pastor uniform on. The rest of the crew looked at me like I was from Mars. This was especially true with Dio’s crew. There were a lot of the typical stories about metal musicians like Ronnie holding Black Masses backstage. So I was actually refused entry at first. They thought I was a free-lance exorcist. They called John and within a half hour or so I was helping get the stage cannons loaded up.
On this stop, Ronnie had asked him to make one of the effects bigger. At one point in the show, when the guitarist was doing battle with a giant robot spider using the laser on his guitar (you have GOT to love the theatre that is metal), Ronnie stepped to the front of the stage and let loose these wrist cannons that shot sparks for quite the distance and conquered the spider. Ronnie wanted them bigger.
John had a theory that I had no reason to doubt at the time. The better the music, the fewer effects. Van Halen used very few effects. Ronnie had a lot. And he wanted them bigger.
So around the time I arrived, it was time to test these little suckers out. Ronnie took his position backstage, raised his arms and triggered the wrist cannons.
WWHHOOOOSSHH!!
Dear God it was loud…and the sparks! When they went off, Ronnie, who was not really tall to begin with, actually compressed. Nobody breathed for a moment. Had John broken Dio?
Then, through the smoke, Ronnie broke out with this huge grin. For a moment I dismissed it according to John’s theory. It was a bigger bang and so it would cover the lack of quality. But it became pretty obvious that Ronnie was grinning because he just loved the whole spectacle so much. He was like a kid with a new, bigger toy.
What usually happened was that when the concert started, I would take my position toward the back of the arena floor at the sound/lighting booth. So before Dio went on, I, armed with my All Access Pass, went to the board and settled in to watch the show. And what a show it was. It was like a theatre of the absurd…all the leather and robots and lasers and explosions…and Ronnie’s voice…amazing. And the quality was without question. So much for John’s theory.
When the time came, Ronnie stepped to the front of the stage…WWHHOOSSHH!! The crowd went nuts! He looked delighted.
After the show, Ronnie hung out for a while for the meet and greet. He smiled the whole time, laughed freely.
Shoot forward twenty years…my son and I are in Regina to see Megadeth and Heaven and Hell…Black Sabbath plus Ronnie. It was Jonathan’s first time at stage front for a metal show. He was so stoked. I was now sitting in the seats. He was there more for Megadeth and Mustaine’s speed…he can play very fast. Me? It was all about Geezer and Vinnie…very much about Tony…and of course Ronnie. Great show…great time with my kid…and the wonder that was Ronnie…still full-voiced and having a blast.
We have lost a lot of musical legends from what was obviously self-destructive behaviour…stupidity. Ronnie died of cancer at the amazing age of 67. So very tragic. Metal lost a piece of its heart.
So I sit here, blasting Holy Diver, and remembering a real gentleman and the quintessential voice of metal. All others are poseurs. Blessed are those who know it and pay homage.
Rest in Peace, Ronnie…
Why is God so ticked off?
It came in the mail as many of its siblings have. The envelope was plain and the address label was the typical type that comes out of the average laser printer. The return address was a little cryptic. Yes, it had all the signs. This was a tract, a pamphlet claiming prophetic authority. And…wait…yes…there it is right on the cover. God is extremely pissed off.
I stare at this piece of religious drivel and think of the good the money from the postage could accomplish. Darfur? Haiti? New Orleans? The Salvation Army facility down the street?
And then I wondered…why is God so angry all the time? Does God run a tab at the local pharmacy for the monthly supply of Xanax or Ativan…or has God been angry for so long that the bottles are filled with the big guns like Thorazine or Haldol. If the kind soul who sent this missive is correct, and I have no reason to believe he is, God has been bent out of shape for CENTURIES. That is a lot of angst, dude.
And why is God so angry? Well, the churches have not listened to the Word. Pastors have not preached the Word. Christians have not heeded the Holy Spirit.
Really? It never ceases to amaze me how often some people look at the world…look at the church…see that they do not like what is going on and assume God must be angry too. “Certainly God must be upset because I am!” No…sorry…it does not work that way.
I found myself thinking about the sheep and the goats in Matthew 25. What is being rewarded? Mercy…compassion…servanthood. They are not blessed because they are right or because they won a theological argument or because they believe the right set of doctrines or statutes. They are blessed because they are kind. And all the time they are being kind, they are clueless about who is receiving their acts of kindness. They are not kind to gain something. They are kind because…well…because they are.
And this pleases God. It makes God happy.
The fact is that God is NOT angry all the time. God is happy. God holds us precious and delights in us.
The problem is that there are some people who are really angry about a lot of stuff and have drafted God into their pity party.
My appeal to them? “Stop it. Stop it right now. Do you hate people who do not measure up to you? That does not mean God is angry too. It means you are a cranky, mean-spirited, hate-filled person. And you need to stop it. And if you can’t stop it, you need to at least keep it to yourself. The rest of us trying as best we can to serve others like Jesus called us to. ”
